Post by NortheasternWind on Feb 16, 2011 21:00:54 GMT -5
Tales of Phantasia Presents Macbeth, by Northeastern Wind.
Status: Incomplete. Act I, Scenes I-II finished.
Warnings: Plagiarism, Violence, Insanity, general disregard for common sense and casting conventions
Genre: Drama/Humor/Parody
Pairing(s): ...Come on, it's Macbeth. LOL.
Once upon a time, the night before my British Authors exam, I had a dream that Dhaos was Macbeth. (And most of you have heard that story at least twice by now.) Dhaos does not play Macbeth, but the dream did inspire this nonsense. I may rewrite it in prose form and submit it to FF.net in the future. Either way, tips and comments are appreciated. Please enjoy the first part!
Dialogue in italics indicates that the speaker is offstage.
Disclaimer: The Tales of Phantasia and Macbeth characters are not mine. Macbeth belongs to our good friend Shakespeare, though it's so well known that I'd laugh at anyone who tried to plagiarize it.
[Whispering backstage.]
???: Now remember everyone. That curtain is just a curtain. It is not a wall. Everyone can hear you through it.
???: Yeah, so shut up, Klarth.
???: Ugh... Well, everyone know their parts?
???: Yeah.
???: Yup!
???: Nope.
???: Airhead.
[A loud SMACK is heard.]
???: Ow! Hey!
???: You should quiet down... I think they can hear us.
???: Trust me, they can. Arche, try to remember as best you can, and Chester... Behave.
???: Easy for you to say.
???: *sigh*Let's just... get started. Get on the stage, you three.
???: Sure thing!
???: Come on, Suzu!
???: ...
[The curtain opens. Thunder and lightning. Enter ARCHE, AMI and SUZU.]
Arche: When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
Ami: When the hurlyburly-- hee hee-- the hurlyburly's done, when the battle's lost and won.
Suzu: That will be ere the set of sun.
???: You guys sound bored.
Arche: Shut up! Um... Where the place?
Ami: I have better grammar than these guys... Upon the heath. ...What's a heath?
Suzu: There to meet with Macbeth.
Ami: Hello? What's a heath?
Arche: I come, Grayma-- Graymalkin? That's the stupidest name I've ever heard!
???: You know you would name your cat that.
Arche: Shut up so I can concentrate! I come, Graymalkin!
Ami: Paddock calls!
Suzu: ...
Ami: ... Um...
Suzu: ...
Arche: ...Let's, uh, just move on to the next part...
All: Fair is foul and foul is fair. Hover through the fog and filthy air!
Ami: Hee hee. Now we leave, right?
???: Yeah. Get in here, dork.
Ami: H-Hey... ...You guys, what's a heath...?
[Lights go out, all shuffle offstage.]
???: ...Uh-oh.
???: What's wrong?
???: We didn't cast Lennox or the captain.
???: Eh, make Cress do it. It's not like the captain has a whole lot of scenes, anyway.
???: Um... Alright...
???: *sigh* Somehow, I get the feeling someone didn't think this through...
[Trumpets offstage. Lights go up. DHAOS, EDWARD, TRINICUS, and KLARTH onstage.]
Dhaos: ...
Klarth: ...Am I the only one who finds it slightly ironic that the Morrisons are playing Dhaos' children?
Trinicus: Haha. Well, Edward and I are related, and Dhaos is already a king, so I imagine it was just a casting convention.
Dhaos: ...Elusion is a principality.
Klarth: Oh, so you're a prince? I was under the impression you were a king.
???: LIAR!
Arche: Quiet!
Edward: It hardly matters, since no one outside of Japan knows what Elusion is supposed to be.
Trinicus: This is true. We should probably get on with it...
Klarth: Yeah... Come on, Cress.
[CRESS stumbles onstage.]
Cress: Um... H-Hail, King of Scotland!
Dhaos: What bloody man is that? ...This dialogue is terribly archaic...
Klarth: You couldn't tell from the last scene?
Dhaos: He can report, as it seems by his plight, of the revolt.
Edward: It is a little difficult to say with a straight face, isn't it? This is the sergeant who like a good and hardy soldier fought 'gainst my captivity. Hail, brave friend! Say to the king the knowledge of the broil as thou didst leave it.
Cress: ...This is a lot to say for someone who's supposed to be gravely injured. Um... Doubtful it stood, as two spent swimmers that do cling together and choke their art.
Klarth: If you don't know what that means, you should just make it simpler.
Cress: Aha. Thanks. Uh... The merciless Macdonwald from the Western Isles of kerns and gallowglasses is supplied, and fortune, on his damnèd quarrel smiling, showed like a rebel’s whore. Sheesh, language... But all’s too weak, for brave Macbeth, disdaining fortune, with his brandished steel carved out his passage till he faced the slave; And...
Dhaos: ...
Cress: This is really violent... And sliced him clean in half, fixing his head upon our battlements.
Dhaos: ...Ha. A brave cousin, and a worthy gentleman.
Klarth: We're doing an awful lot of changing the script...
Trinicus: Well, Duncan is a little too... enthusiastic... to be played by Dhaos.
Cress: Uh, let's see... Just as spring brings warmth and violent storms, so from our victory discomfort swells. Mark, King of Scotland, mark: no sooner justice had, with valor armed, compelled these skipping kerns to trust their heels, but the Norwegian king, seeing his chance, with furbished arms and new supplies of men, began a fresh assault. These guys love commas too much.
Dhaos: ...Dismayed this not our captains, Macbeth and Banquo?
???: I love how he adds an ellipsis to every line.
Arche: Shut up and pay attention!
???: You shut up!
???: U-Um... Please, you two...
Cress: Yes, as sparrows eagles, or the hare the lion. I must report they were as cannons overcharged with double cracks, so they unleashed double strokes upon the foe. Except they meant to bathe in reeking wounds, or memorize another Golgotha-- what the heck is Golgotha?-- I cannot tell. But I am faint, my gashes cry for help!
Dhaos: ...So well thy words become thee as thy wounds; they smack of honor both. Go get him surgeons.
[Exit CRESS. Enter BRAMBERT.]
Brambert: He really does add an ellipsis to every line.
Edward: Hehe. He didn't talk much even before the whole Demon King business.
Klarth: You'd met Dhaos before he became the Demon King?
Edward: ...
Dhaos: ...Who comes here?
Klarth: Gee, thanks.
Edward: The worthy thane of Ross.
Klarth: *sigh* Whatever... What a haste looks through his eyes! So should he look that seems to speak things strange.
Brambert: God save the king.
Dhaos: Whence cam'st thou, worthy thane?
Brambert: From Fife, great king, where the Norwegian banners flout the sky and fan our people cold. Norway himself, with terrible numbers, assisted by that most disloyal traitor, the thane of Cawdor, began a dismal conflict, till that Bellona’s bridegroom, lapped in proof, confronted him with self-comparisons, point against point, rebellious arm 'gainst arm, curbing his lavish spirit; and to conclude, the victory fell on us.
Klarth: At least someone's keeping to the script.
Brambert: As long as I'm going to be here, I may as well do my part. That now Sweno, the Norways' king, craves composition. Nor would we deign him burial of his men till he disbursed at Saint Colme’s Inch ten thousand dollars to our general use.
Dhaos: No more that thane of Cawdor shall deceive our bosom interest: go pronounce his present death, and with his former title greet Macbeth.
Brambert: I'll see it done.
Dhaos: What he hath lost, noble Macbeth hath won.
[All exit.]
???: ...That was kinda boring...
???: What did you expect? It's got Dhaos in it. I'm surprised we got him to talk at all.
???: ...You know, I wonder why he agreed to this.
Status: Incomplete. Act I, Scenes I-II finished.
Warnings: Plagiarism, Violence, Insanity, general disregard for common sense and casting conventions
Genre: Drama/Humor/Parody
Pairing(s): ...Come on, it's Macbeth. LOL.
Once upon a time, the night before my British Authors exam, I had a dream that Dhaos was Macbeth. (And most of you have heard that story at least twice by now.) Dhaos does not play Macbeth, but the dream did inspire this nonsense. I may rewrite it in prose form and submit it to FF.net in the future. Either way, tips and comments are appreciated. Please enjoy the first part!
Dialogue in italics indicates that the speaker is offstage.
Disclaimer: The Tales of Phantasia and Macbeth characters are not mine. Macbeth belongs to our good friend Shakespeare, though it's so well known that I'd laugh at anyone who tried to plagiarize it.
Act I
Scene I
Scene I
[Whispering backstage.]
???: Now remember everyone. That curtain is just a curtain. It is not a wall. Everyone can hear you through it.
???: Yeah, so shut up, Klarth.
???: Ugh... Well, everyone know their parts?
???: Yeah.
???: Yup!
???: Nope.
???: Airhead.
[A loud SMACK is heard.]
???: Ow! Hey!
???: You should quiet down... I think they can hear us.
???: Trust me, they can. Arche, try to remember as best you can, and Chester... Behave.
???: Easy for you to say.
???: *sigh*Let's just... get started. Get on the stage, you three.
???: Sure thing!
???: Come on, Suzu!
???: ...
[The curtain opens. Thunder and lightning. Enter ARCHE, AMI and SUZU.]
Arche: When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
Ami: When the hurlyburly-- hee hee-- the hurlyburly's done, when the battle's lost and won.
Suzu: That will be ere the set of sun.
???: You guys sound bored.
Arche: Shut up! Um... Where the place?
Ami: I have better grammar than these guys... Upon the heath. ...What's a heath?
Suzu: There to meet with Macbeth.
Ami: Hello? What's a heath?
Arche: I come, Grayma-- Graymalkin? That's the stupidest name I've ever heard!
???: You know you would name your cat that.
Arche: Shut up so I can concentrate! I come, Graymalkin!
Ami: Paddock calls!
Suzu: ...
Ami: ... Um...
Suzu: ...
Arche: ...Let's, uh, just move on to the next part...
All: Fair is foul and foul is fair. Hover through the fog and filthy air!
Ami: Hee hee. Now we leave, right?
???: Yeah. Get in here, dork.
Ami: H-Hey... ...You guys, what's a heath...?
[Lights go out, all shuffle offstage.]
Scene II
???: ...Uh-oh.
???: What's wrong?
???: We didn't cast Lennox or the captain.
???: Eh, make Cress do it. It's not like the captain has a whole lot of scenes, anyway.
???: Um... Alright...
???: *sigh* Somehow, I get the feeling someone didn't think this through...
[Trumpets offstage. Lights go up. DHAOS, EDWARD, TRINICUS, and KLARTH onstage.]
Dhaos: ...
Klarth: ...Am I the only one who finds it slightly ironic that the Morrisons are playing Dhaos' children?
Trinicus: Haha. Well, Edward and I are related, and Dhaos is already a king, so I imagine it was just a casting convention.
Dhaos: ...Elusion is a principality.
Klarth: Oh, so you're a prince? I was under the impression you were a king.
???: LIAR!
Arche: Quiet!
Edward: It hardly matters, since no one outside of Japan knows what Elusion is supposed to be.
Trinicus: This is true. We should probably get on with it...
Klarth: Yeah... Come on, Cress.
[CRESS stumbles onstage.]
Cress: Um... H-Hail, King of Scotland!
Dhaos: What bloody man is that? ...This dialogue is terribly archaic...
Klarth: You couldn't tell from the last scene?
Dhaos: He can report, as it seems by his plight, of the revolt.
Edward: It is a little difficult to say with a straight face, isn't it? This is the sergeant who like a good and hardy soldier fought 'gainst my captivity. Hail, brave friend! Say to the king the knowledge of the broil as thou didst leave it.
Cress: ...This is a lot to say for someone who's supposed to be gravely injured. Um... Doubtful it stood, as two spent swimmers that do cling together and choke their art.
Klarth: If you don't know what that means, you should just make it simpler.
Cress: Aha. Thanks. Uh... The merciless Macdonwald from the Western Isles of kerns and gallowglasses is supplied, and fortune, on his damnèd quarrel smiling, showed like a rebel’s whore. Sheesh, language... But all’s too weak, for brave Macbeth, disdaining fortune, with his brandished steel carved out his passage till he faced the slave; And...
Dhaos: ...
Cress: This is really violent... And sliced him clean in half, fixing his head upon our battlements.
Dhaos: ...Ha. A brave cousin, and a worthy gentleman.
Klarth: We're doing an awful lot of changing the script...
Trinicus: Well, Duncan is a little too... enthusiastic... to be played by Dhaos.
Cress: Uh, let's see... Just as spring brings warmth and violent storms, so from our victory discomfort swells. Mark, King of Scotland, mark: no sooner justice had, with valor armed, compelled these skipping kerns to trust their heels, but the Norwegian king, seeing his chance, with furbished arms and new supplies of men, began a fresh assault. These guys love commas too much.
Dhaos: ...Dismayed this not our captains, Macbeth and Banquo?
???: I love how he adds an ellipsis to every line.
Arche: Shut up and pay attention!
???: You shut up!
???: U-Um... Please, you two...
Cress: Yes, as sparrows eagles, or the hare the lion. I must report they were as cannons overcharged with double cracks, so they unleashed double strokes upon the foe. Except they meant to bathe in reeking wounds, or memorize another Golgotha-- what the heck is Golgotha?-- I cannot tell. But I am faint, my gashes cry for help!
Dhaos: ...So well thy words become thee as thy wounds; they smack of honor both. Go get him surgeons.
[Exit CRESS. Enter BRAMBERT.]
Brambert: He really does add an ellipsis to every line.
Edward: Hehe. He didn't talk much even before the whole Demon King business.
Klarth: You'd met Dhaos before he became the Demon King?
Edward: ...
Dhaos: ...Who comes here?
Klarth: Gee, thanks.
Edward: The worthy thane of Ross.
Klarth: *sigh* Whatever... What a haste looks through his eyes! So should he look that seems to speak things strange.
Brambert: God save the king.
Dhaos: Whence cam'st thou, worthy thane?
Brambert: From Fife, great king, where the Norwegian banners flout the sky and fan our people cold. Norway himself, with terrible numbers, assisted by that most disloyal traitor, the thane of Cawdor, began a dismal conflict, till that Bellona’s bridegroom, lapped in proof, confronted him with self-comparisons, point against point, rebellious arm 'gainst arm, curbing his lavish spirit; and to conclude, the victory fell on us.
Klarth: At least someone's keeping to the script.
Brambert: As long as I'm going to be here, I may as well do my part. That now Sweno, the Norways' king, craves composition. Nor would we deign him burial of his men till he disbursed at Saint Colme’s Inch ten thousand dollars to our general use.
Dhaos: No more that thane of Cawdor shall deceive our bosom interest: go pronounce his present death, and with his former title greet Macbeth.
Brambert: I'll see it done.
Dhaos: What he hath lost, noble Macbeth hath won.
[All exit.]
???: ...That was kinda boring...
???: What did you expect? It's got Dhaos in it. I'm surprised we got him to talk at all.
???: ...You know, I wonder why he agreed to this.
